Helping

Hi! I haven’t posted in forever! I just didn’t know what to write, but now a lot has happened worth writing about.

I have been making new friends and adjusting since we moved. But a few of my friends have been having hard times. One is poor and has a crack head mother, the other cuts, wants to die, and is told often she is worthless, and another also cuts and has attempted suicide twice.

In short they have problems that I wish I could help. The truth is that I would if I could but I can’t. It just worries me so much that they will be hurt, if they do it to themselves or not.

I am always in constant fear that one day I will go to school and they won’t be there. Not because they are sick with a cold but dead or cutting. It scares me so much. But it also encourages me.

I may not be able to take away cuts, scars, or living situations but I can make them smile. I can make them feel like they are wonderful. Like they aren’t alone. It doesn’t fix everything but it makes them think about the people that do care.

– Your Not A Sad Story

P.S.

” Stay happy not crappy. Life’s a b¡t¢h don’t quite. ”
                                                                                     – Johnnie Guilbert

Pointless

Have you ever hinted at something? Like a birthday gift you wanted or a place to eat at? Maybe you have and just didn’t know you did. Either way, chances are you will do it once in your life.

I hint at something different. Things that are hardly picked up on. I wish I could say but then the hint would be pointless. I am not sure why I wrote this, I will never have the courage to say anything.

Sorry for wasting your time.

Send Help!

Okay so I am back in public school for the first time in like four years! This place is so huge! I can’t figure out lockers, at all, so I have been carrying everything everywhere. Their are so many kids in the 8th grade alone but some of my classes are on the other side of the building and  I end up pushing through everyone,including teachers.

But because  have been in the same school the last four years I had friends and wasn’t afraid to make new ones. Now it is like starting SMS all over again, I hardly talk to anyone who doesn’t talk to me first. Because of this I have very few friends who are usually only in one or two classes with me. I miss my old school and my old friends, heck I even miss teachers! I even miss uniforms! Every morning it used to be so easy to wake up, get dressed, go to school, come home, do homework, shower, then sleep. Now I wake up, shower, try to find a outfit, get dressed, walk to my bus stop, get on the bus, go to school, leave school, get on bus, walk home from bus stop, do my homework, and go to sleep. It doesn’t seem much harder but you ms remember I am in a school full of snobs.

A girl was complaint her mom gave her 200 some dollars and didn’t get her Panera Bread. Yep, true story. Kids my age have piercings and tattoos! I don’t know how much more I can take. I am only a month into school and and already wanting it to be over. Please, call help…

-Your not a sad story

2nd

Have you ever been, or felt like, a second choice? I have and it is one of those things I can’t forget. I keep counting each person over in my head. Or thinking about if it will happen again when school starts. I have began to notice half of the forevers in friendship aren’t real.

I had confessed to a friend I felt they didn’t like me when we met. It turns out they hadn’t, they didn’t want to be my friend as much as someone else’s. I thought I had one true friend I hadn’t made cry or angry at me. Turns out I hadn’t.

I feel so confused when I think about what people have said about me. I never know what to think of myself. Some have said terrible things and others have said I used to be that way. But who am I now?

All I see is someone who is scared to start over, of being a second choice, of being hated, of hurting people, of not being normal, and mostly of being a disappointment. I know that people (will) say things like ‘your not a second choice’ or ‘your not a disappointment’. Thing is people lie, cheat, steal, keep secrets, and so much more. If they didn’t this world would be either of two things:

1. Amazing place where you either hate or love.

2. A terrifying place where humanity killed itself because of what was said to them.

I personally think the second one. 

I think that life has just put us in a lemon, but:

image

– Your not a Sad Story

Reality

I’ve been trying to figure out why I can’t just forget the things that hurt. It seems like it is all there is. I never thought crying yourself to sleep was like a real thing. Then it happened to me and someone I cared about.

It is as though we do it to be strong. So we don’t have to show others how badly we are hurting. Or maybe how much it feels like we are. It always happens at the worst time too. I was serving and I just started to remember everything and panic. I cried through the whole thing.

One of those things I was thinking about was how I knew someone, I idolized them. They were pretty, popular, nice and just plain fun to be around. Then they did something unforgivable. They all of the sudden didn’t look so pretty, came around less, tried to be nice but seemed rude every time, and I hated being near them.

They tried fixing things with me, but like I said it was unforgivable. I avoid having to see them, any time I could. They are still trying to fix what they broke. But some things can’t be fixed. That is the cold, hard reality we live in. It sucks but nobody wants to try and change reality. But maybe they should.

– Your not a sad story

I think I have a problem

Okay, let me first tell you when it started. I was in sixth grade when Kaci started SMS. Kaci is one of my best friends, and loves to read. Kaci got me into the Divergent series and I loved it. After that is when I started reading a lot.

Before that I had been in fifth grade reading second grade books. It was really sad because my sister in first grade had a fifth grade reading level. But that is another story. So I started reading a toon of books.

I practically lived in Barnes and Noble. So one day I went to a sleepover with my friends Bran and Liv. They asked if I had a Wattpad. I had no clue what it was, and it sounded really weird. I didn’t get it because I really didn’t know what it was or why it was called Wattpad.

Then Bran comes in with a book. It was called My Wattpad Love. She started showing me bits and pieces of it. I then I read it, then she brought My Life with the Walter Boys. Again I feel in love (TeamAlex). Then she brought a third book, Handcuffs, Kisses, and Awkward Situations.

I read all three of those and finally got a Wattpad, because that is where all the books had first been written. People get discovered on Wattpad and I loved the thought of maybe Bran or Liv’s book could be published.

Okay, now to my problem. I have a addiction to Fan Fiction. Yep, it is the sad but real truth. I read it on Wattpad, I read it on Quotev. I’ll read it on anything. I even write some.

Hello, my name is Nev and I am a FanFicaholic.

Okay another problem, I pictured that phrase on a t-shirts. But let’s not talk about t-shirts. I am completely and totally obsessed. At first I tried to hide it, mostly by not adding the books to my Wattpad library, and not  sharing FanFic I wrote.

But I just need the world to know. I am obsessed. I am a fangirl. And I like t-shirts that point that out. I hope I didn’t waste to much of your time.

– I will not keep calm, I’m a fangirl.

Follow my friends and I on Wattpad, names below!

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Poem

Again

I fell for it again,
My eyes watered it fear,
My heart raced,
I couldn’t breath,
All because I fell for it again,
You don’t deserve my tears,
You don’t deserve my heart,
You don’t deserve my breath,
But now I know,
I’ll never fall for it again.

Because

Parents yelling,
Calling me a fool,
Because I cared,
Because I cried,
Because of you,
Hate in their eyes,
Makes me want to cry,
A friend has it worse,
Hope you got a laugh,
Because I cared,
But not anymore,
Because I cried,
But never again for you.