Friends

I am so confused. When someone is your best friend, you want them to be happy. Am I wrong? But I feel so upset when I am around my friend Isabel and she has her friend over. I don’t know if it is because I feel replaced, or like a substitute. I feel terrible for thinking that too.

Why can’t I just be happy when the people I care about are. I want to be. I really do, and I don’t know if that makes it any better or if it has no effect. Either way it doesn’t matter. While I was visiting someone today their family got into a fight. We were in the other side of the house, and you could make out every word they said.

It wanted to say something, because I know it sucks to have family fight. Especially yell at one another. I didn’t understand though, when now that I am writing this I know I should have. They always acted happy, when I saw them I thought typically stereotype perfect family. But when I heard that, that image shattered.

But I can’t judge them for that. Nobody can. I don’t think there is a person out there that hasn’t been a little different or put on a mask around certain people. Even those who don’t have been called if before.

I knew a girl, got in a fight with her brother. He called her fake, said she acted different around her friends. I had known this girl for as long as I could remember, never once around her friends, my friends, her family or mine had she acted differently once. But that is how the world works, someone always has to point out a flaw. Even if it isn’t a real one.

– Your not a sad story

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Walls

I made this picture, and now I don’t know why. I know I don’t feel amazing, but I’m not sure I wanted what it said. But I don’t want to get rid of it. In so many ways of describes how I feel. But it isn’t what I want to feel. And I feel selfish for feeling it. I got a comment and I replied to it.
My friend pointed out my walls. I’m not sure how long they have been there, but when I think about it they are high. People say I make friends so easily. But really I don’t. I make friends and they either leave me or I block them out. I think I block them out is becuase I am afraid of being left.
I feel like everything bad that has ever happened to me, happened in a years time or less. But in reality it was three or four years. Maybe that is why I push things away, I feel like I will be alone sooner than I actually will. Forever just doesn’t seem as long.
But I can’t change that, and neither can anyone else. All I can do is hope I change, hope I get better. But I have also learned hope isn’t going to get me far. Maybe that will change too.

-Your not a sad story

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(Not the picture, but I thought it went with the whole walls thing.)

Just me talking about school.

I keep thinking about school. All the things that could have gone differently, and the things I did. Some I’m so proud I did, others I still question. When we leave something, it always hurts and is scary to start over. School is one of those things.
I started SMS thinking I was going to hate it and not caring about these people. I thought nobody could make up for the friends I left. I was right, nobody can take their place. The thing I was wrong about was hating it.
I have made so many memories there, that nobody can take. Just like when I started when I left, I was afraid. Only thing that made me leave, the same thing that made me come. Grades and a few people. But I meet people there I will never forget.
At one point in the three years I was there, I had made a friend that can’t be replaced. Even if we grew apart, or became close. They had something that made me want to be their friend. At one point, I was happy being around all of them.
I had friends who I was attached at the hip with, friends who would help no matter what, friends that let me cry, friends that were based of stupid stuff, and friends who just listened. There are so many more, but I am ready to cry now.
I have noticed I have made multiple diary’s threw the years. All of them started the same. Saying what great friends I had, and what was special about them.
They started with my friends and the cute boys. The adventurers and fake boyfriends. The tears, and the hugs. They always said ” I have the best friends in the world. ”

And that will always be true.

Saint Mary’s isn’t a school, it is a home. Where I started the rude public school girl who was confused about everything,  and left the still confused private school girl who made mistakes. Either way, it lead me to the people I know today, and no matter what will love and protect.

Lots of love to you Maddie if you read this. You are a beautiful and smart girl, never forget that.

And Elena if you read this, same to you.

Liar

I have the best friends a person could have! They have all been there for me… I don’t know what they see in a crazy person like me but they see someone they consider a friend somehow. I was told about a app called wattpad. I love it! The thing is I am writing a book called Liar. This book worry’s my friends… I don’t want to scare them by saying I’m okay ( because they don’t believe me ). I just wanted to vent to someone that even if it is true…. I am not a girl who is afraid of what my life is. Am I afraid of things in my life? YES! If you say you aren’t your lying! I know who I am… Just trust me on that….

– Your not a sad story

BTW Maddie you better not give the link to my blog or any of the post on it. I’m trusting you 😛

CONFUSED!!!

Okay so I have crushes on two people. To start off and a guy I am friends with well he found out who they were. Turns out one of them already knew. My question is, how?!
People always know things before we tell them. I have a friend who knows just about everything, my mom can guess who I like so why are people like me clueless? If you feel this way or you just know things please tell me into the comments. I am so confused!

– Your not a sad story ( maybe like me your confused! )

Hurt or Help?

What if you had to live the life of someone else, and you didn’t know a thing about them? Would you live the way you do now or would you be clueless? That is one of the things with us. We think we know our best friends, but even I lie to my best friends. Sometimes it is better, to protect them. But not everything on the world is great,or honest and peaceful.
I want to know why people hang/go out with the people they do. Some people say things like ” We accept the love we think we deserve. “(The Perks Of Being A Wallflower). But why don’t we ever see what is right in front of us!? There are people I thought I knew, and then I realized didn’t.
If people saw what I really think, nobody would say things like ” We understand “. It is another thing where a lie can hurt or help.

” If your going to lie, lie well, and remember who your lying to. ”

Red Band Society

-your not a sad story

When We Cry

I have been giving a lot of thought to the matter of what tears and crying have to do together. Some may think that they have nothing to do with one another. They could be right. I saw this picture and it said ” It is funny how the people who hurt us most is who we want to run to in pain”. I have to say I agree with that, I have this toxic relationship with this girl in school. I keep giving her second chances but she always turns around the way she acts. But she and I have a odd friendship because she was the first person to really want to be my friend. But mainly what I want to say is when we cry it could feel like we seem small or undignified. But I would like to know one person you have never seen ,heard of or even thought cried(ever). Leave it in the comments if this impossible person exist. But I cry more than you can count please just don’t make the mistake of holding it in.

-Your not a sad story

What If I Didnt Make It?

My friend and I have made up but I still feel this guilt eating at me. I thought about it today when I felt alone. ( For those of you who don’t know me) when I was born the cord was wrapped around my neck, I was taken away for almost a hour before my mother even saw me. I thought today what if I had not had been saved by those doctors. I thought about my friend and how she wouldn’t have been hurt, about how my dad might mot have left, I thought about everyone I have ever meet. I thought maybe it would have been better off if I had have not lived, and there is many reasons why….

  1.  I would have gone straight to heaven
  2. My dad might have stayed
  3. I wouldn’t have written that note.

But then I thought about all the bad things it could have caused. For all we know one day anyone of use could cure cancer, or become the president that gives more jobs to homeless. God has a plan for all of us if you believe in Him or not I won’t and can’t force you to either.This world really isn’t a sad story.”Acceptance is not love. You love a person because he or she has lovable traits, but you accept everybody just because they’re alive and human.”

 -Albert Ellis

-You aren’t a sad story

The End

This might be the end of my blog. I have no right to give advice. After my post yesterday I did something that goes totally agents it. I hurt one of my best friends. Only if she says I can will I continue to blog. I will miss it, but after what I have done I don’t deserve to be happy and blog. I just wanted to say, I’m sorry Elena I  the worst friend ever you deserve better. I just can’t stand it anymore the world may not be a sad story but it hurts! I am ready to end it but I won’t because of my belief in God. I just wanted to say that if any of you have any problems comment that will be the only thing I will do on my blog now. I just want to be here for people but I can’t do this anymore! I can’t live anymore I feel like life is just the worlds problem is us! If you feel that way I just want you to check out my friends blog at https://thethirdwheelerblog.wordpress.com. She was my whole insperation and also the friend I hurt. And in her first blog I am the friend that hurt her. Again until I get told by my friend tells me I can I will not blog. Goodbye for now,

-The End

P.S if you feel unloved I just wanted to tell you I love you all of you.

What we say

Today in my school we started a new course. We all thought that it was a sex ed class. People were saying it was because of a couple in my class. I told the girl in the relationship and she was so upset. She told me “We might as well break up everyone hates us anyway.” That crushed me she really likes this guy and he basically in love with her. I just wanted to tell everyone about this because we can hurt people and never know it. S so if you want to say something about someone say it to their face or not at all.

– Your not a sad story